The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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