I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
