Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am naked and annoyed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
