If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
