Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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