he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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