I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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