her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
