that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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