R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
