I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
