Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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