Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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