if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
