Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
