I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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