A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
