he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
