First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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