i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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