This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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