a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
