its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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