I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
