Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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