Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
