My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
