Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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