xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My penis needs a shock collar
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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