I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
