I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
