Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
