Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
