will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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