thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
