Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't deserve a penis
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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