The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
