Have you finally orgasmed yet?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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