I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
