I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
