are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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