Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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