there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize