paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
