WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
