My Higher Power is John Stamos
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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