What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize