I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
