She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize