you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
