arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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