Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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