I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
