you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
