U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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