My friends, they love my intelligence
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
