If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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