We're facebook friends in real life
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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