What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
