after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
