I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
