mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
