I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she smelled like a LAN party
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
