sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Success! We fucked roommates!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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