I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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