Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I still have a little drunk in my system
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
