I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize