I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I die, sorry about rent.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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