please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
