I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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